The kids had a random midweek day off of school, a Tuesday, Professional Learning Day for the Teachers. I thought it would be a great time for us to visit my mom. She does still drive but only in her town. Since my dad’s passing seems that I have been back home quite frequently but to our childhood home helping with the final packing and cleaning prior to closing not to the senior apartment where my parents lived during my dad’s final two and a half years or so. In fact, I had not actually been back in their actual apartment since March, I spend most of the week my dad passed away there with my mom and sister, a week later just stepped inside to take in flower arrangements from the memorial service and we ate a quick bite in the Club House. My mom also served lunch in the Club House for all those helping my sister make her final move out of the house in July.
So the kids and I arrive and sit at the table that was once removed for my dad’s hospital bed, the green Pioneer corn seed brand hat that was my grandpa’s that my dad had to wear or keep within his sight during his final months sat up on the shelf, almost looking down on us. We show her how to play For Sale, ate lunch then Sydney stayed with Ashton while Emma and I went with my mom to meet my sister and the monument personnel delivering and setting my dad’s headstone in the cemetery.
Talk about surreal. It was just like in the movies, overcast and rainy, holding an umbrella while your loved one is being laid to rest. It was quite windy up on the hill too. Emma did not seem to mind so much. She was also excited seeing her name engraved in stone, she was named after my maternal grandmother Doris Emma. I however was a bit shocked and uncomfortable at seeing my name engraved in stone in the cemetery lol. I asked Emma to take a photo of my sister and I looking at dad’s gravestone, she took quite a few but none had both our heads and dad’s headstone in it lol.
On the drive home it started raining instead of misting. Just a few minutes after saying it sure would be nice to see a rainbow one appeared. I kept debating whether to stop to try and capture it but it quickly disappeared from sight. I was thinking it was nice to have my dad buried prior to winter setting it, that he was in a beautiful resting place under a big oak tree up on the hill with a grand view each direction.
That night though I could not sleep, I was crying my eyes out with the vision of the bag of his ashes stuck in my head until I finally fell asleep for a bit just to wake up and do it all again. Grief sure is rough ride. Most of the past few years have been filled with it. They say what does not kill you only makes you stronger. I however do not feel strong or stronger at all, I am just bracing myself and fearing what is yet to come. #DMDmom