So Not Ready For This

My first Robin sighting of 2018.

Hmm? I usually am very excited for my very first Robin sighting of the year. My sister Terrah just called a couple minutes ago, it was just concluded that my dad is down to only having days left, as in about five days, perhaps even seven so he will not be going into hospice respite at the hospital on Wednesday because it would be too hard on him and he very likely would not make it back home. Sounds like a very reasonable decision and I will head over in the morning to visit again, most likely stay for a few days even though it is during the school week. I knew his days were dwindling down but this is still very hard news to take. I had been sitting in the sun room, windows on three sides, something caught my poor peripheral vision since needing trifocals, I turn to look and it is an American Robin. Not only is this my son Ashton’s favorite bird it is a first sign of spring. Spring is a sign of new life and hope. My son has a fatal progressive illness and my dad who is terminal already outlived his prognosis. I am really quite numb I guess, don’t know what to think or feel. Knew this was coming but I will never be ready to face it. I hate to see my dad suffering so but I can not imagine life without him. Do not have very much time to process this since soon I will have to get Ashton off the school bus.